Bigger Than Us
by ixxivxcvi
Summary: Ironically, the girl he shares a mind with half of the time is the same girl he can't quite figure out. / Mid-BD. Canon divergent. Blackwater.
1. Chapter 1

**I**

"Lee, wake up." Jacob's voice grumbled, permeating her subconscious and effectively ruining the good dream she was having. She feels his huge foot poke her side.

Her eyes snap open, instantly on guard, but her body is slow to respond. She stares up at the pale light filtering through the trees of the woods they had slept in, it couldn't have been more than five in the morning. "Ugh…what?" She groans, throwing an arm over her eyes. All she wanted to do was go back to bed. If you could call a pile of dry leaves and twigs a bed, but that's just semantics.

She vaguely hears Jacob's chuckle. "Well good morning to you too, sunshine," he teases. "It's your turn to patrol."

She exaggerated a sigh and reluctantly removed her arm to peer up at her Alpha standing over her. His hair was effectively windblown, the way only running at inhumane speeds through the forest on four legs will do for you. She glanced at his face and could read the evident exhaustion.

Begrudgingly she sat up, popping her sore neck, and stretching out her tired limbs. _I need to invest in a pillow._ She snorted at the thought of trying to lug a pillow along with her when she's phased. Her nose curls as she catches a whiff of leech from the button down shirt he seemed to have borrowed from the Bloodsuckers. She looked over to see Jacob's massive form collapse onto the ground, too close for Leah's liking. "Gosh, Jacob you _stink,_ " she growls. She narrowed her eyes at him, but he was already out like a light.

She cursed under her breath and stood up, stepping over her brother Seth's sleeping form a few feet away and made her way away from the two boys to undress. Once she was a safe distance away, she lifted her tattered tank top and shorts off her body and haphazardly tied them to the cord around her ankle. She yawns and pulls the heat from within her core and begins her long strides. Two feet turn into four paws and she sets off.

She runs for a while, thinking of trivial things before her mind inevitably drifts back to what it always seems to be on these days. Jacob.

There's no doubt in Leah's mind that she's been happier ever since she joined his pack. She was finally away from her asshole ex-boyfriend, Sam. Her heart constricts the smallest bit as she thinks of his face. _Dick_. Having to take orders from someone who had ripped out her heart in every sense of the word, and then having to witness his deepest thoughts and innermost fantasies about the woman he had left her for, her _cousin_ Emily, was excruciating to say the least. The imprinted mind was one that Leah wouldn't wish her mortal enemy to have to endure. So, when Jake had broken away from Sam's pack and claimed his birthright as Alpha, Leah all but jumped at the chance to get away from Sam and his minions. She went under the pretense of protecting her brother Seth, who had of course followed Jacob, but it was plain as day to everyone that getting away from Sam was an opportunity Leah was not willing to pass up.

Hell, she would have even followed Paul, the biggest douche of them all, if he was the one who had broken away. She was honestly that desperate.

In the beginning, it wasn't exactly easy, as Jacob never took a strong liking to her. Well, none of them, save for Seth, had. But in the short amount of time that had passed, an understanding had come to pass between Jacob and her and he made her his Beta.

She was fucked up by Sam, he was fucked up by that insufferable Bella Swan. They understood each other's pain.

It wasn't an unconditional friendship. Hell, it wasn't even conventional. But, she figures if anyone has any clue of what she goes through, it's him.

She begins to feel a burning in her legs, and slows her pace just fractionally. The new pack was great and all, but having a smaller pack also meant having fewer available bodies for patrol, and it was taxing on all of them.

She feels irritation flare up as she gains sight of vamp territory and reluctantly continues her route, taking mindful steps so as to run her duty as she is supposed to, but not venture too far onto leech land. Her mind drifts to Bella once again, and she feels her blood boil with animosity. If it weren't for her and her demon spawn, Leah wouldn't have to be forced to be around the bloodsuckers.

 _But then again, if it weren't for Bella and her hybrid fetus, Jake wouldn't have felt the need to break away from Sam and protect her… and it_ , a small voice reminds her.

Dammit.

Just because her Alpha foolishly devoted his life to thinking the sun shined out of that whiny bitch's ass, doesn't mean Leah is supposed to. And the worst part is, she _let_ him. It wasn't enough that Bella strung Jacob along for over a year, but she continued to tell him she didn't love him as much as she loved her bloodsucker boyfriend Edward, and Jacob just stayed and took it. That bitch had the best of both worlds, two men that would die for her. Well, her creepy husband was already dead, but still.

 _Ha, husband. She literally married death._ Leah chortled. But even a pathetic girl like Swan could conceive a child, albeit a hybrid monster child, but a child nonetheless. And Leah was the genetic freak of nature. The dead end. It was a cruel joke that the gods had decided to play on her. Leah was convinced that her sole purpose in life was to suffer by watching other people get what she wanted. _Emily got Sam, Bella got a baby…_ she felt the anger propel her muscles to work even faster.

She felt her frustration color her thoughts even darker. Why was Jacob so in love with her? He didn't imprint on her, and for that she was eternally grateful because the never-ending Bella show that was Jacob's mind, and subsequently hers by pack mind, would be amplified a thousand times in that case. She was literally the plainest, most unremarkable girl in all of Washington. Leah was hard pressed to find even one single redeeming quality about this girl. Even as kids, when Bella's father Charlie would bring her along with him to the Rez to visit Leah's father and Billy Black and she had to play with Leah and Rachel and Rebecca, Jake's older twin sisters, she was a selfish brat who didn't know how to share. It seemed like nothing had changed.

Before she knew it, it was time for her patrol to end. She almost lamented the fact, as she was quite enjoying the solitude. She had half a mind to just keep running north and not stop until Canada, but her exhaustion from earlier was catching up to her, so she changed course, and headed back to the direction of her two packmates.

* * *

"Leah!" Seth's voice cut straight through the light slumber that Leah had seemingly just fallen into. She jolted awake, instantly alert, on her feet in a second to see her brother running toward her.

"What? What's wrong?" She pressed, scanning him for any visible injuries.

"Nothing! Calm down," He chuckled, removing her hands from his face.

"Why'd you wake me up then?" She snapped, stepping away from him, her irritation evident. "What is with you two idiots and waking me up today?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted some lasagna… it's the best I've ever had." He admits, innocently holding up the Tupperware container in his hands in front of her face.

She pinches her nose. "Ew, get that away from me," She could smell the sugary bleach stench radiating, stronger than the tomato sauce, cheese, and the onions. The worst smell in the world. _Leech._ Hunger be damned, Leah was not about to eat anything that was prepared by a bloodsucker, no matter how "delicious" Seth claimed it was. Besides, that boy would literally eat anything and say it's delicious, even before the wolf metabolism.

"C'mon, Lee. Please? It's so good! And plus you need to eat." He says, sounding more like the older brother for once.

"You were over there again?" she asks and gets a nod in response. She shakes her head in disbelief. "I'm going back to sleep. Don't wake me up." She pushes past him and returns to her spot on the forest floor, trying to find her comfortable position again. She closes her eyes and pretends not to hear her brother's disappointed sigh and retreating footsteps.

Leah woke hours later feeling only slightly refreshed after her patrol. She vaguely felt guilty for snapping at her brother earlier who was only trying to make a peace offering, but quickly pushes the feeling away. She has nothing to feel guilty for. They were the ones who were bonding with their mortal enemy. If anyone needed to atone for anything, it should be them. Jake had made another appearance, seemingly spending the whole day with Seth at the godforsaken mansion, which only served to set her nerves on fire.

"C'mon, Lee. You can't seriously be mad at me for this." Jake says, torn between looking irritated and concerned.

"Not just you, O Mighty Alpha…baby brother's in on it too," She growls.

"Why are you so worked up about this?" He sighs.

She's about to bite her tongue, because she's not really in the mood, but decides she's had enough of censoring herself. If they were going to be in a pack together, he'd need to see all sides of her. And fuck it if she didn't want to explode.

"I'm so 'worked up' because you and Seth seem to be forgetting the part where they're our _mortal enemies_. We're designed to tear them apart! Those leeches, right in there," she points in the general direction of the bloodsucker's lovely abode, "Are the reason we are what we are." She spits.

He interjects before she can continue. "Oh yeah? And what are we?" Stupid question, he knows, but his brain isn't functioning quite normally.

"We're beasts. Not normal, by any means. And it pisses me the fuck off to see how you're in there, just _hanging out_ with those parasites like you're all one big gang of regular fucking happy humans, but get this, you're _not_ normal, and they're _not even fucking human_! They smell rank, they suck blood for fun, and …" She trails off, catching her breath and losing her train of thought. She continues in a softer but still firm tone. "They're enemies, Jake. Natural born fuckin' enemies. Sure, they might seem closer to allies at this point, but no matter who we have to go up against alongside them, you have to remember, we'll never be on the same side as them, not completely." She finishes.

He doesn't know what to say.

He regains his voice when a thought hits him. "Is that the only reason you hate that I spend so much time over there?" He asks cautiously, knowing he could be treading on dangerous waters.

She swallows. "Yes." Lie. The other reason she hated Jacob spending his time at Leech Mansion was that bitch Bella. But she saw no point in telling him this as it would upset him and that fact bothered Leah for reasons that would upset _her._

"Don't lie to me, Clearwater. I can smell it." He says in an almost harsh tone, a hint of his superiority leaking through.

"I'm not…" She tries, knowing any attempt at hiding something from him was futile. Even if she could avoid it when they were human, once they phased again he'd read it in her thoughts soon enough, even if she tried to block him out. He could always tell when he was being blocked out. Luckily, she kept the super secret thoughts stored away with the girly-personal ones and the dark, angsty, morbid ones. He didn't even want to go near those.

"Lee." He warns. He didn't want to have to command her.

She shook her head and looked away, changing course of the direction she had stalked off in, unconsciously moving closer to the Cullen house.

He stops her before she goes too far by catching up and putting a hand on her shoulder. She tenses up, spine rim-rod straight. He pulls away as she slowly turns to face him. "Don't _touch_ me, Black." She snarls. With the look on her face right now, he'd be bursting into flames.

"Tell me." He answers, just as harsh, not backing down.

The malice evaporates from her features even though the darkness doesn't. "Fine. But, you're not gonna like it." She warns him.

"Try me."

She sighs and dives right in. "You want to know why I can't stand you going there, aside from the whole mortal enemies and horrible burning stench thing? Fine. It's because the longer you're there, the longer it will take you to get over _her._ You're torturing yourself for no good reason. You talk about how you want the pain to stop? Then, STOP FUCKING PUTTING HER FIRST." She bellows. She hadn't meant to lose her temper, she really hadn't. But, she could feel the telltale tremors shoot their way up her spine and her hands were vibrating like crazy.

He had no good answer to that, so she took it as her cue to continue.

"I'm so damn sick and tired of her coming before everything. Bella Swan _this_ and Bella Swan _that_. I get that you love her, I really do, but there's a line, Jake. You put her first in everything. You caused the rift between the packs ultimately because you couldn't stand the thought of hurting her. You were miserable for a year and a half because of her. I could sort of understand when things were normal, I guess. But you have no chance with her now. She's married, pregnant with that freak of a spawn and yet you continue to dote on her. I also understand why you feel the need to protect the… _innocent,_ but I mean... come on. Since when did Bella freaking Swan come before your … pack?" Her voice broke on the last word. "Would you be willing to sacrifice yourself to save her? How about Seth? Huh? Because ultimately, that's what it'll come down to. A choice. Between you and her, or us and her, or both. And I don't want to stand around and watch you ruin your life for that bitch." She's quiet as she lets him take it all in.

He got what Leah was saying. He did. Ultimately, it came down to loyalties. Where did his lie? With the girl who'd done nothing but string him along for almost two years, telling him she wanted him, she loved him, but he just wasn't enough? Or did he choose to be loyal to his new packmates, a bouncing, annoying werewolf and a scorned, broken she-wolf whom he was just beginning to understand? He knows the answer, but it just hurts him too much to say it.

"What are you saying, Leah?" He asks quietly.

"I'm tired of being a second choice. But that's all that I am. Because I know, given the opportunity, you would save her life over protecting mine." She says, and it shouldn't sting so badly to say the words she already knows are true, but it does.

"You don't know that."

"Don't I?"

"Lee—" He starts but is cut off by a shout, sounding suspiciously like Seth.

"Jake! Jake!" He sounded urgent. Leah doesn't miss the way his eyes flicker towards the house, and she knows he wants to go.

"Go." She says flatly.

"But…"

"Just. Go. She's your first priority." Her voice is cold and hollow, much like the insides of her felt at that moment.

He was really torn. He knows that if he leaves now, he would severely damage any semblance of a friendship he has or might've had with Leah Clearwater. But, if he doesn't go and something happened to Bella – her condition takes a turn for the worst or he misses her take her last breath… he just wouldn't be able to live with himself.

She sees his guilty face and she knows his decision is made. Leechlover wins _again_. But really, what did she expect?

She turns and strides deeper into the woods so she could phase, shredding her only outfit.

She lets her paws pound the earth extra hard just so she doesn't have to hear his retreating footsteps.

* * *

She runs a quick few circles around the perimeter of the area trying not to think, just focusing on her wolf instincts. For once she's almost glad Jacob and Seth are too caught up in the Casa del Cold Ones, that way, she has her mind to herself for a little bit again. She pushes herself to run as fast as she can, focusing on the air whooshing past her and the comforting sights and sounds of the forest. This much she liked about being a wolf, the feeling of being free when you run. It was maybe one of the few good things Leah liked about it.

The change happened too fast, that much she hated about it. It's like one day you get super pissed off beyond belief and then next thing you know you're an animal with voices in your head. All of a sudden you're forced to get a tattoo and cut your hair off and take orders from your ex-boyfriend and you have to give up simple civil liberties like showering at free will and keeping your modesty in front of a bunch of hormonal idiot boys and _privacy_ , oh, privacy. You surrender your privacy— not just physically, which is a pain that in and of itself, but also emotionally, and definitely mentally. It's especially difficult being a part of something that no one wants you to be in, when you have no choice in the matter yourself.

So that's another reason why when Jacob decided to break away from the pack and embrace his birthright, she'd been more inclined to join him and her kid brother. She knew that she wasn't Black's favorite person in the world, but at least she could get away from the main pack and out from under the ruling thumb that was Sam whom she was forced to listen to. At least Jacob wasn't Sam, not even a little bit.

At least that's what she had thought. But it seemed like Jake was just as blinded by his supposed 'love' for Bella as Sam was by his imprint on Emily. Both was a sham, in her opinion. Imprinting was just some freaky breeding program made up by the gods, falling in love at first sight with whomever you're "destined" to be with. The way Leah saw it, Sam didn't love Emily. No, he was _assigned_ to her. But Jake and Bella... that was almost worse. He didn't have some supernatural fate bullshit to blame it on. He was just blinded by misplaced affections. And for what, really? She was in love with someone (some _thing_ ) else.

She skids to a stop when she reaches the nearby river. She just looks at her wolfy reflection in the water. She really had no room to talk about the leeches; just look at her. She's a monstrous beast… who turns into a wolf. This transformation ruined her life, her brother's life, and it literally killed her father. She was never supposed to change. There were no other female wolves. Yet the wolf Gods decided to play a sick practical joke on her and make her one, at the end of the worst year of her life. She doesn't realize she phased back until she's sitting there staring at the reflection of her human face. No. The wolf didn't ruin her life. She did that all on her own. She clearly has to be the most unlovable being on the planet. Everyone she seemed to care about ends up leaving.

Sam left, her dad left, and now Jake... he might as well be as good as gone.

Water starts to run down her face and it takes her a second to realize it's not from the perpetual impending rain clouds hanging in the sky. Leah doesn't bother wiping the tears away from her face. No one would know about it.

She hated crying. She remembers the day she had to cut her hair off for the pack, and how she sobbed that night. It wasn't so much the hair, even though she had been growing it out for years and it hurt to see her beautiful dark locks just chopped away like they were nothing, but it was more of the consolidation that the whole wolf thing was real. She kept waiting for someone to jump out and say that this had been some whole elaborate prank or she was just having a nightmare and when she woke up Sam would be by her side and none of it would have ever happened.

But that didn't happen. She went home after the haircut and buried her face into her pillow and cried out every drop of water in her body until it hurt. That was the last time she remembers _really_ crying.

Now she cried silent tears thinking about how her life had turned to complete and utter shit and she was only twenty years old. She wraps her arms around her bare knees and cries some more. She doesn't care that she has no clothes on (no way in hell will she wear the leeches') and she doesn't care she's all alone in the middle of nowhere sobbing on a riverbank. She just doesn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

**II**

Leah doesn't know how long she stays there, weeping. She doesn't hear the rustling from the trees, or maybe she does and doesn't even bother.

She doesn't register that someone else is there until she hears her name being tentatively called.

"Leah?" She instantly recognizes the voice; the very last person she wants to talk to at the moment.

She says nothing, not turning around, just continuing to look at her rippling reflection in the water.

When he gets that she's not going to say anything, he sighs and walks closer to her. "Lee, talk to me. Please?"

Silence.

"Okay then." He plopped down a safe distance beside her on the soft ground. She's surprised; she figured he'd go run back to the bloodsuckers and his _precious princess._

"Were you… crying?" He asks, even though they both know he can smell the salty tears.

She shakes her head.

He reaches out a hand to her but hesitates.

She sniffs.

He gently puts his fingers on her arm.

She's too tired to protest.

"Leah…" He tries and scoots closer to her until he's less than a foot away.

Leah remains quiet. She doesn't know what to say to him right now because quite frankly, she doesn't know what she's feeling. Sadness? Betrayal? Indifference? Anger? No. She's sort of past being angry. She feels… empty… numb, even, and that should scare her. But, strangely, it's kind of comforting in a way to feel nothing at all instead of everything at once.

She stares into the water again and sees the pair of them sitting there. He's looking at her and she's looking down. Her face is wiped clean of any emotion. But she's struck by just how… _right_ they looked side by side. But then again, he'd look better with any Native girl rather than with pasty Bella Swan.

Her heart constricts.

"Why are you here?" She asks quietly when she finds her hoarse voice.

"I came to find you." He admits.

"Oh?"

"Well… the… baby keeps breaking bones. Seth got freaked out and called me back there. Then we stayed and watched them patch her up. It's… hard to watch her like that, especially sipping on blood like she's…" He trails off. He knows she doesn't want to hear any of this, but he's at a loss for what to say and she'd probably see it anyways the next time they phased.

He wraps his fingers that are still touching her around her arm and scoots even closer.

"Please, talk to me." He pleads. He doesn't know why he's so desperate. He doesn't like her to be upset with him… which baffles him to no end him because he could have cared less even just days ago. He pulls her arm away from her knees and then all of a sudden he's extremely aware of the state of her undress and the close proximity between the two is almost stifling.

He's frozen and suddenly she's nervous. She finally looks at him only to find his face inches away from her own.

Something happens at that moment. The air between the two shifts and crackles and all of a sudden where their skin is touching on her arm is burning hot. She forgets that he upset her. They both look into each other's eyes and there's a spark…of something… he unconsciously leans forward towards her and feels a growl deep within his throat rumbling. She's filled with this feeling that she can't explain to save her life, all she knows is she's drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Her tongue darts out to lick her lips nervously which draws his attention onto them. He sees his target, her mouth, and there is a millimeter of space between the two of them—

When suddenly they hear a howl. Seth.

And just as soon as it begun, the spell is broken and he practically leaps away from her. She catches her breath and runs a hand over her face in exasperation.

He moves away to phase. She pulls the heat from within her core and then she's on four legs.

They start off in the direction of the signal, instantly in search of any present danger. Memories of their previous shared moment momentarily evaporate, and the pair are focused on the task at hand.

They start off in the direction of the signal.

 _Seth, what's wrong?_ Jacob asks.

 _Nothing, boss! Just wondering where you two were,_ he thinks cheerfully.

Jacob comes to a halt and sighs. _Watch it with the howling, remember?_

 _Oh yeah! Sorry_ , he sounds embarrassed. _I_ _can go tell the Cullens I screwed up again._

 _No, I'll go._ Jacob all but jumps at the chance. He needed some…space.

 _From me? I'm sorry, boss. I'll do better…_ Seth sounds crushed.

 _No, no, you're fine_ , Jacob assures him as he sets off towards the mansion at a slow trot.

 _From me, Seth. I've been annoying him,_ Leah supplies, lying with practiced ease.

Jacob breathes a sigh of relief as he phases back and pulls his borrowed pants and shirt back on as he crosses the expansive front lawn.

He doesn't know what the hell just happened with Leah, but he knows he needs to quit thinking about it. Last thing he needs is Edward mind-raping him and finding out exactly how it felt to be that close to her…

"Jacob?" He hears and looks up to see he's just been standing in front of the door, Esme standing in the doorway.

"Oh, sorry," He grumbles and steps inside, automatically bracing himself for the putrid smell. Esme disappears back into the kitchen.

He makes his way into the living room, seeing Bella asleep on the couch with Edward on her side, keeping her cool. Blondie of course, took guard at her feet.

Everyone else was nowhere to be found.

Probably taking a break. It was hard to watch her like this…at least that's how it was for him.

"False alarm," He supplies when the two vamps are looking at him.

"I know." Edward says. "I heard you all in wolf form."

He crinkles his brow. And then blanches. If he could hear them that far away… did that mean…

Edward gives a surreptitious nod in his direction.

 _You heard me and Leah?_ He asks for confirmation.

"Yes."

That makes him extremely uncomfortable. _That's private, Leech._ He clenches his jaw.

"Then don't do it near the property." Edward supplies.

Jacob looks at Rosalie and sees she's tuning them out easily, focusing on some high-stakes game show on the television.

"I didn't… We didn't… _do_ anything." He says in a quiet voice. He doesn't like talking about this with him.

"Didn't you?"

 _No….?_

"So it meant nothing."

He opens his mouth to say something but pauses. Did it mean anything? Leah was his friend, his Beta, his packmate. He'd never really thought of her like _that_ …well no, that wasn't true. When they were all kids, he and his friends had had their fair share of fantasies about her, seeing as she _was_ the hottest girl on the Rez (still was in his opinion), but they could never do anything about it because A: she was so much older, and B: she had been Sam's girl and even before that self-righteous asshole got an Alpha title, you just didn't fuck with Sam… but then Jake had eventually given up on actually getting close to her like _that_ , content to just imagine, and then he had fallen for Bella and then the whole wolf thing happened and life got crazy and he pretty much banished any feelings for Leah besides irritation... But then today by the river, something happened. Something changed within the dynamics of their complicated friendship and suddenly she was all he could think about. Sure, he'd seen her naked plenty of times, they all had snuck in the occasional glance either pre or post-phase, but this…this was different. He caught her at her most vulnerable and she didn't push him away, even after he'd hurt her earlier which threw him for a loop. He feels a pang of sympathy when he realizes she's probably used to it by now… and he feels the strong urge to protect her that went beyond pack loyalty. He knows that he hated hurting her, and as much as she comes across as tough, she could not stand getting hurt. He doesn't know what happened between them today, but all he knows is that it was bigger than the two of them realized. So…yeah… maybe it did mean something.

Edward just gives him a meaningful look, and for once doesn't comment on his internal rant.

He didn't notice his feet had traveled of their own accord back to the door, poised and ready to run out and all the way back to the riverbank until he heard Bella's sleepy voice from behind him on the couch. "Jake?"

He internally sighs and turns back around, making his way back over to the couch where Bella was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Hey Bells," he says with the biggest smile he could muster.

"Hey!" she says weakly, and gives him a smile that momentarily brings some life back into her otherwise washed out face.

It makes his stomach turn.

"How are you doing?" He asks her as he settles next to her. "How's the rib?"

"I'm alright. A little cold though," she says pointedly at Edward, who had remained silent throughout the exchange. A flit of annoyance dances across his stony features as he removed his arm from around her but otherwise says nothing as his wife scoots closer to Jake. Jake rested his arm across the back of the couch behind her as she nestled closer. Jake could see the tightening of Edward's jaw from the corner of his eye, but for some reason it didn't bring him as much satisfaction as it usually would have.

"What have you been up to?" Bella asks.

"Oh, just the usual… wolf stuff," he answers offhandedly. _Almost kissing my Beta… yeah, all in a day's work._

They're quiet for a bit then, watching the show on television that Rosalie was so absorbed in. Jake just stares at the screen, not seeing. A quick glance to his left told him that Edward was doing the same thing.

He wonders what Leah is doing at that moment. Was she still at the river? Was she running with Seth? Was she hunting wolf-style for a meal since she so stubbornly refused to eat any of the leftovers that Esme often sent with Seth? _Typical Leah,_ he thinks _. Incapable of accepting anybody's help._ His mind drifts back to their moment by the river. They had been so close… he doesn't know what to make of it. It meant something, of that he was sure. But what did it mean? One moment he had been trying to get her to talk to him, so he could comfort her or apologize (he doesn't actually know what he was going to do once he found her—he hadn't planned that far ahead) and the next it was like everything around them stopped and she was all he could see. He had felt so drawn to her… it kind of scared him if he was honest with himself. He had never felt like that before in his life, the urge to be around someone so intensely. He was going to kiss her. Of that he was sure. Which was crazy! He wonders what would have happened if they hadn't been interrupted. She probably would have punched him.

What was he thinking? Almost kissing Leah? She didn't see him that way, she probably never would. She was his Beta, his friend… nothing else. He knows this. So why did his brain decide to go M.I.A. and let him almost go through with it? That's just the thing, though. He didn't have to think. It was like his body knew something his head didn't. He had felt this _feeling_ … like nothing he'd ever felt. He wonders if she felt the same thing.

Now he just felt kind of empty. He felt out of place. He felt wrong.

He closes his eyes to get a grip on himself. He was sure he was drowning Edward in angst with his thoughts right now, but he didn't have the desire to open his eyes and confirm the sour look that was inevitably plastered on his face. But then again, that look was kind of permanent.

He hears a growl, too low for Bella to hear which confirms his thoughts. The corners of Jake's lips tug upwards. Figures.

He looks over at Bella whose own eyes were fighting sleep and losing. Her head fell to his shoulder. He took the liberty to study her sleeping face. The dark circles under her eyes, the hollowness of her sunken-in cheeks, the greyish color of her skin… it made his stomach turn again. What had happened to this girl he had loved? Still loved… right? He vaguely remembers days spent in his garage, drinking warm sodas and sharing laughs and it fills him with incredible sadness. That's who he loved. Even though she had been falling apart, he had been the one to put her back together. He had been her sun. And for what? He had put her back together for her to just run back to the reason she had fell apart in the first place.

He looks over at Edward to find him staring at him with a blank expression, obviously having heard his inner monologue. He feels the anger bubble up inside of himself. _You ruined her,_ he thinks with venom. He thinks of the growing life inside of her. _You infected every aspect of her life. You've already killed her. She was dead the day she met you._ He meets Edward's eyes and is surprised to find his blank mask falter. The vampire closes his eyes for a moment and when he meets Jake's stare again the burning man expression is back.

"I know," he whispers almost inaudible to Jake's werewolf hearing.

Jake shakes his head and lets it fall to rest on the back of the couch. He closes his eyes.

 _This is all so fucked up._

* * *

He woke with an uncomfortable crick in his neck. When he comes to he realizes he had dozed off. He looks over to check on Bella and finds the couch empty beside him, with no one in sight. He hadn't meant to fall asleep and vaguely wonders where everyone had gone to. He hears the sounds of medical equipment beeping upstairs and realizes they had gone to give her a checkup. He wonders if anything happened. He focuses until he hears the sound of one—well, two rather—heartbeats and is convinced all is okay for the time being. He gets to his feet and makes his way out the door and down the porch steps. It's already nighttime and he wonders how long he had been asleep for.

He tugs his clothes off and haphazardly ties them to his ankle and phases midstride.

 _Jake?_ He hears Seth ask.

 _Everything's cool. I let 'em know it was a false alarm. Fell asleep for a while too, sorry._

 _It's cool, dude. We know you needed it,_ Seth says understandingly. Jake can feel the kid's own exhaustion through his thoughts.

 _Hey, Seth, why don't you crash for a bit? Lee and I will run the perimeter real quick._

 _But—_

 _Seth. Go ahead. We'll be fine._

 _Alright, boss._ Jake sees the spot in Seth's mind where he decided to lay down for the night and minutes later he was out like a light. Jake feels bad, he knows that all of this craziness really wore the kid out. It wore them _all_ out.

 _Lee?_ She had been quiet throughout the exchange. His mind goes back to the river.

 _I'm already running it._

He starts his side of the circle, trying to match the quick pace she had already started over on her side. _We should talk about what happened._

 _Nothing happened, Jacob._ She says, firmly.

 _Yes, yes it did._ He says adamantly.

 _No._ She sounds almost resigned.

 _Are you seriously telling me you felt nothing?_

 _Nothing. Happened._ She grits out in between her clenched jaw.

He tries to replay what he had just figured out with Edward but his thoughts are too scattered to make sense of anything.

She's silent.

 _Lee—_ He starts but he feels the shimmer in the air and then she's phased out.

 _Goddammit._

He sloppily follows his circle and then catches her scent in a meadow a ways away from the river.

He phases in the brush on the outskirts of the meadow and pulls on his shorts. He approaches her slowly and drops down beside her in the dewy grass. She was sitting with her arms hugging her legs to her chest. Just like before. He stops himself before he lets that line of thought go on even further. He extends his shirt to her, looking away as he does so. He senses her hesitation and laughs once.

"I mean it's either this or nothing." He teases.

She rolls her eyes and snatches the offending material away from him. Now, she'd much rather go without clothes and burn this leech's shirt to a crisp, but nakedness and Jacob were two things she'd rather not associate together. She takes a huge gulp of air and tries not to gag from the smell as she quickly puts her arms through the sleeves and sloppily buttons the buttons.

"Oh my gosh… how do you wear this thing? I'm about to retch." She finally speaks.

"It's pretty horrible," Jake admits. "I just put it out of my mind."

"I don't see how you can," she says in disgust, staring up at the stars.

They're quiet for a moment, both looking up at the night sky.

"How was your playdate," Leah mocks quietly.

He ignores the jibe. "I fell asleep."

"That bad, huh?"

He laughs. "Just was tired, I guess."

"We're all tired, Jacob." Her voice is firm, and he looks over at her. She continues to stare up at the sky but her jaw is clenched.

He frowns. "Leah, I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asks. She won't meet his eyes; she refuses to.

"For making you upset earlier…"

"You didn't make me upset." She lies. She knows he can see through it but a girl can still have her pride and all.

"Really. I'm sorry that I let her make me so stupid sometimes." He swallows.

She raises her eyebrow. "Well, at least you admit it."

"And I'm also sorry for almost—" he starts but she interrupts him.

"We don't need to talk about it." She says harshly, looking straight at him for the first time. He sees the fire in her eyes.

"Yes, we do." He challenges. "I don't know what came over me, honestly. It was…" he trails off, trying to find just the right words to convey how it felt to her.

But she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to hear him say what she already knew was coming. That it was a mistake. So, she beats him to it.

"A mistake. It was a mistake." She says decisively.

His eyebrows crease in confusion. "What?"

"It was a mistake." She repeats slowly. "It didn't mean anything, Jacob. We weren't thinking clearly. Let's just forget about it, please." She looks away again. She knows this is the best thing to do, so why does it bother her so much to say it?

"I…" he starts. He's at a loss right now. Here he was, planning on telling her that it _did_ in fact mean something, and he wanted to figure out exactly what, when she goes and tells him the exact opposite. He wasn't positive if she had felt the same thing he had, but he guesses that this is his confirmation that she in fact did not.

She swallows. "Please, just…" she trails off and shakes her head.

He just kept staring at her.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say, Jacob. We almost kissed on accident. But we didn't. It was an accident. End of story." She reiterated, but she wasn't sure if it was for his sake or her own.

He nods tersely. "Okay, Leah."

"Okay." She leans back on her hands to stare back up at the stars, trying to calm the knots in her stomach,

He joins her, lost in his own thoughts. They sit in silence for a while.

Her stomach decides to make an appearance at that moment, cutting through the silence with an ugly growl.

He looks over and laughs. "Hungry?"

She tries to scowl but fails. "No."

"How's that squirrel and rabbit diet going for you?" he teases.

She rolls her eyes. "I don't bother with them anymore. I stick to deer." She states matter-of-factly.

He tries to picture her taking down a deer and shudders.

"I don't know how you do that every day." He admits. He was no stranger to sticking to the wolf diet, but it's something he greatly preferred not to have to do.

She shrugged. "What else am I going to do?"

"Lee, you know the Cullens have food. Esme will cook for you any time. It's kind of all she does. Wants to be useful, I suppose," Jake says.

She gives him a look that almost makes him shrink away. Almost.

He just grins in response. She meets his gaze and his smile fades. Her eyes are so stormy, it throws him off. He'd kill to know what she was thinking right now. She stands up and brushes the grass off of her. She extends a hand to help him off of the ground. He grabs it and raises himself up. She drops his hand like she was burned and furrows her brow for a brief second before wiping her face of any emotion.

"C'mon, let's go find Seth." She says and moves away from him into the brush. He just stares after her retreating form.

Ironically, the girl he shares a mind with half of the time is the same girl he can't quite figure out.


	3. Chapter 3

**III**

Sleep didn't come easy that night for Leah. Her thoughts were racing through everything that had happened and her stomach was in so many knots, it was to the point where it was physically painful. She didn't know what the hell had happened in the last twenty four hours but suddenly she found herself caught in a war between head and heart.

Eventually, after hours of tossing and turning on the forest floor, she sat up with an exasperated sigh and got to her feet quickly. Taking careful steps to avoid the sleeping giants that were Seth and Jake, she moved away from their makeshift home and jogged deeper into the woods.

 _Not really much of a home when I'm the only one who stays there most of the time_ , she thought bitterly.

Eventually she found herself in a small clearing, the opposite direction from where the meadow from earlier was. The moon was high and full and for a while she just stared up at the unusually clear sky.

She knew that telling Jacob that their almost-kiss was a mistake was the right thing to do... So why did it feel so wrong? It's not like she had actually wanted to kiss him... Right? And besides, she knew he regretted it so she just beat him to the chase before he could say it.

Still, it bothered her.

Because there had been something in that moment on the riverbank. She unconsciously closed her eyes and recalled the feeling she had when their eyes met. She had been drawn to him like he was a magnet, and her mind had cleared and all she could focus on was the way his skin felt where his hand touched her arm and how she wanted to feel it all over. They had been so close... She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if they weren't interrupted. She thinks she probably wouldn't have been able to stop herself.

She had never felt like that in her life, so out of control of her own actions and so attracted to someone, and quite frankly, it scared her. She didn't like this weird feeling or attraction or whatever the hell it was causing her to go temporarily stupid.

Was she even attracted to Jacob? He was just a kid! She used to play with his older sisters when they were kids. They would kill her if they knew what had (almost) happened between them. He was young sure, but even so, she couldn't deny the way the transformation had affected him. It had affected them all. He had grown over a foot and his muscles had filled out perfectly all over. He was no longer the scrawny, annoying boy that had bothered her and his sisters back then. He was definitely grown up now, and Leah noticed a change in him the past few weeks. Ever since accepting his role as Alpha, he seemed more sure of himself and seemed to be growing even stronger and taller, if that were possible. What she wouldn't give to go back to the riverbank…

 _Ugh, I feel like a pervert,_ she thought. But it would never happen, so what was the harm in imagining?

She was startled to attention with the slightest cracking of a twig, imperceptible to the human ear. She looked around and realized she had ventured farther than she had planned and instantly was on alert, scanning her surroundings. It was dead silent for a minute, as Leah tried to locate the threat.

"You two are quite nauseating," said a voice from behind Leah's ear. Her heart skipped a beat as she spun around in a blur only to be face to face with Edward Cullen.

"What the fuck, Leech!" She exclaimed with an angry huff. "I could kill you!" Her jaw clenched.

He said nothing, just continued to stare at her with his creepy, unblinking eyes. They were black. She shuddered involuntarily.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I should ask you the same thing, seeing as how this is our territory," he replied.

Leah said nothing and an uncomfortable silence permeated the air as Edward just kept staring.

"What did you mean?" She asked suddenly. "Who's nauseating? Aside from you of course."

He ignored the jibe. "Jacob and yourself."

"Humor me, Leech."

"It's a never ending drama with you two. You know, a lot could get solved if you actually tried to talk to each other instead of pining away secretly," Edward said in his famously condescending tone.

"What the hell are you talking about? Nobody's pining away for anyone." Leah crossed her arms with a huff. "You know, you're pretty dense for a mind reader—" he just gave her a patronizing look. "—and besides, why would you care anyways?" Leah snapped, ignoring the fact that he had, in all likelihood, probably overheard her previous thoughts about Jacob.

"Normally, I wouldn't, but your drama is affecting more than just the two of you. Bella is starting to worry about Jacob and she doesn't need to in her condition."

Leah snorted. _What, is she worried her precious sun isn't devoting enough of his life to her anymore?_

Edward's face remained unchanged, giving no indication of having read her thoughts, but Leah knew he had.

"Look, Leech, there's no drama in the first place. I don't know what you heard from Jacob but nothing's going on between us and it never will. End of story." Leah felt a wave of irritation wash over her as she spoke.

"Now are we done here?" She called over her shoulder as she stalked angrily away from the vampire.

"You can lie to yourself all you want, but I can hear your subconscious, too," he replied.

She spun around in a blur and began to feel the telltale tremors of phasing vibrate through her spine. "Fuck you, parasite. Don't worry, I won't interrupt whatever twisted little threesome fantasy your girlfriend dreams of." Leah spat.

She took off at top speed then, phasing mid-stride, out of vamp territory and back towards her sleeping alpha and brother.

Who the fuck did that leech think he was? Invading her privacy, first off, but accusing her of being involved with Jacob?

 _Nothing. Was. Going. On._

But, no matter how many times she had to say it to herself or otherwise, it always left a prickling feeling in her chest. Leah attributed that to the annoyance of having to repeat herself.

* * *

 _Do you honestly think that's gonna work, Lee?_ Seth inquired through the pack mind.

 _I don't know, but I'll die trying,_ Leah responded with determination, purposely trampling on the shirt Jake had given her a few days ago in the meadow. Jacob snorted. They were all three in wolf form, waiting for Sam's pack to show up. He had sent word through Jared earlier in the day that he intended to meet with Jake to discuss a peace treaty, which Leah didn't trust for a second. Sam, however, was late to the party, so Leah was spending the time trying to get the vampire stench out of the button down shirt she was forced to wear when she was in human form.

In any other circumstance, Leah would have given the shirt back to Jacob or chucked it in the river so she never had to smell it again, but she was out of luck in the clothes department due to the shredding of her last outfit a few days prior. Going naked when she was in human form was simply not an option, though it had more to do with her boneheaded alpha than her baby brother.

She continued to drag the offending shirt through the mud, but the stench was still as prevalent as ever. She growled in frustration as she proceeded to rub the material against a tree as Seth and Jacob looked on in amusement.

 _What do you think this meeting is really about, boss?_ Seth asked Jacob after a few minutes of watching Leah struggle.

 _Jared said Sam wanted to negotiate a peace treaty but… your guess is as good as mine,_ Jake replied.

 _Do you think he's going to try to force Leah and I back into his pack?_ Seth inquired quietly, although it was clear as day in Jacob's mind.

 _He can't force you to do anything you don't want to do… when this is all said and done, you're free to go back, if that's what you want._ Jacob said, absently keeping an eye on Leah as she gave up the tree idea and proceeded to try to bury the shirt in the mud, all the while cursing to herself about the 'stupid bloodsuckers' and 'who the hell smells this bad?'

 _I don't want to go back to him. You're my alpha now,_ Seth replied in a surprisingly strong tone. _My loyalty is to you and my sister._

Jake met Seth's eyes. No words were exchanged, but Jacob sent a wave of respect towards Seth.

All three wolves snapped to attention when the sound of leaves rustling just outside the clearing alerted them that Sam's pack had arrived. They watched as Sam in human form appeared, followed closely by Jared, Paul, Quil, and the newest wolves, Colin and Brady all in wolf form. They came to stand just on the other side of the treaty line in front of Leah, Jacob, and Seth.

Seth absently wondered why Colin and Brady were there, and not Embry.

 _He wants us to feel outnumbered, so he made the pups come along._ Leah responded to his unasked question. _And he knew Embry has no imprint, nothing holding him back from joining Jake's pack._ _Nice tactic Sam._ She barked out a laugh, which drew the attention of the other pack members, and a glare from Sam. Jake shifted to his human form, tugging on his shorts. Leah averted her eyes as she felt a flush of embarrassment. She had seen him naked dozens of times, become almost indifferent to it, and yet somehow accidentally catching a glimpse felt different this time, like she had to feel guilty for it.

She didn't ignore the confusion that sparked in Seth's mind, having overheard her train of thought, but quickly ignored him to focus on the matter at hand as Sam began speaking and her brother thankfully didn't push the issue.

"Jacob," Sam greeted tersely.

"Sam," Jacob said in the same clipped tone. "What's this about?"

"As Jared told you earlier, I'm here to discuss peace between our two packs. This separation isn't right. I'm asking you to come back to where you belong," Sam said in his self-righteous tone that caused Leah to grind her teeth in irritation.

"I belong here. I'm claiming my birthright as alpha." Jacob said.

Leah could see the tightening of Sam's jaw at Jacob's words.

"Look, if it's power you're after, I'll gladly make you my beta." Sam replied. Leah could see Jared's head turn quickly to Sam, letting out an audible whine. Leah snorted.

Jacob shook his head. "You're not listening to me, Sam. I don't want your beta position. I don't care about the power. This is about protecting innocent lives."

"Innocent? It's an abomination! You can't honestly tell me your loyalty lies with that spawn." Sam cried, indignant.

"I'm doing the right thing. I won't let you kill Bella." Jacob said firmly.

"That's not our intention. We are only after the child. But if Bella's life is lost in the process—"

"She's not collateral damage, you asshole," Jacob interrupted. "She's an innocent human, and it's our duty to protect her." He took a step closer to the treaty line and stood at his full height, looking down at Sam.

Sam narrowed his eyes and took a step forward to meet Jacob's stare. "I'm sorry that you're letting your feelings cloud your judgement. But she doesn't love you. She chose to be with a leech. She brought this on herself."

Jacob began to tremble with anger, moving to step over the line and deck Sam in the face. Leah could sense his impending outburst and nudged her alpha back a few feet with all the strength she had, creating space between the two angry men. She would gladly want to see Sam get his ass handed to him, but she knew Jacob shouldn't do anything stupid. Sam was just looking to provoke him, and he was succeeding.

 _Manipulative asshole,_ she directed towards Sam in her mind.

Sam noticed the exchange between Jacob and Leah and raised his eyebrows. He changed gears and faced Leah's wolf.

"Lee-Lee," he began but she cut him off with a loud growl. He continued in spite of this. "Come back, Lee-Lee. Your mother is all alone without your father, worried sick about you and Seth. We need you," he pleaded.

Despite the anger she felt, she couldn't help the pang in her heart as he met her eyes and called her by her old nickname. But bringing her family into this? That was a low blow. Leah snarled and Seth bristled at the mention of their father.

"Don't talk to her." Jacob growled.

Sam's eyes traveled between Jacob and Leah, narrowing his eyes.

"Sue is a strong woman with the support of the council. If she wanted her kids back she'd drag them from the forest kicking and screaming," Jake pointed out.

Sam looked from Leah to Jacob to Seth. "Obviously you don't see reason. You're going to regret this, Jacob." With that, he turned and phased midstride, the other wolves following close behind. Quil hesitated for a moment, making eye contact with Jake before yipping softly and catching up with the rest of the pack before they disappeared the way they came.


	4. Chapter 4

**IV**

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Jake had insisted that Seth and Leah rest while he patrolled by himself. It was obvious enough to Leah that the meeting with Sam was weighing heavily on him, and he needed some head space to himself. She didn't even need the pack mind to know that Jacob's thoughts were chaotic, the storm in his eyes was indication enough. She had no desire to tap into the stream of thoughts that were obviously racing through his mind. Seth put up a weak fight, offering to help Jake but it was clear the younger wolf was more than willing to catch up on some much-needed rest.

Jake took off and Leah watched him go until she couldn't see his retreating form anymore.

She turned back to her brother to find that he was already staring at her, a strange expression evident on his face.

 _What?_ She inquired.

 _Nothing..._ He dismissed whatever it was and Leah began a slow trot back to their makeshift home in the forest without pushing the issue further as Seth followed close behind.

The siblings ran in relative silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Leah could tell that Sam's words about their mother had bothered Seth, but she allowed him to work through it on his own. Her own mind was a whirlwind, replaying Sam's words at the meeting a hundred times over. He had called her by her old nickname, the one he had given her when they were dating. Hearing it caused her heart to constrict, but not out of love, more so out of hurt. He only did it to mess with her emotions in a half-assed attempt to call her back to his pack and under his command once again.

 _I'll be damned if I ever go back to that asshole's pack,_ she absently thought to herself. Things in Jacob's pack were so much simpler. The fact that it was only the three of them obviously had its disadvantages from a battling and patrolling standpoint, but Leah certainly did not miss the extra voices of the other pack members in her head, spouting a constant stream of fantasies, stupid jokes, and dumb teenage boy thoughts. The imprinted minds were the absolute worst, however, and Leah was grateful on so many levels to be rid of hearing that 24/7 from the guys, specifically Sam.

But it wasn't just that, she realized. Leah enjoyed the responsibility of being Jacob's beta, despite the fact that she could only really use her authority on Seth, who would listen to her regardless. But still, it felt nice to be important for a change, instead of being on the outskirts of Sam's pack, only tolerated because there simply were no other options. Replaying Sam's words and actions once more, Leah was filled with irritation as she realized just how manipulative that man was. Trying to use her father's death as a way to guilt her and Seth into submission, and using Bella's rejection of Jacob's feelings as a way to provoke him. Sam was arrogant, self-righteous, and had no problem manipulating people. Leah tried to remember if he had always been that way. She vaguely recalled things that seemed so trivial at the time, but were red flags upon reflection, like Sam guilting her into staying home with him instead of going out with Emily and her other friends, or Sam being jealous of any guy that so much as looked at Leah, yet he had an abundance of female friends, or Sam's constant judging of other people…

She had truly thought he was "the one" once upon a time, and she was starting to realize that she was a fool for ever thinking so. He wasn't the guy she thought he was, but maybe that wasn't so bad. It wasn't meant to be, and the gods made that clear when Sam had imprinted on Emily. Maybe it was a good thing that he did.

A wave of anger rushed through Leah at that thought. _Or not._

Of all the women in the world, the gods decided that the soulmate for Sam Uley just had to be her own cousin. She was still trying to work that one out in her brain.

She thought back to how Sam and Jacob stood virtually toe to toe at the pack meeting. Jake may be an idiot in some respects, especially when it came to Bella Swan, but he was no Sam, and for that Leah was eternally grateful.

Leah tried to tap into Jake's subconscious and push through the tornado going on in his mind but was unsurprised to find that he was blocking them out. She didn't find offense to this, she knew that he had a lot to sort out and was being considerate to them.

A small part of her, the part she kept blocked herself, wondered if she was part of what was going on in his mind. She almost wanted to laugh at the thought. _You're not that special,_ she told herself _._

Without warning her brain decided to remember their intimate moment on the river bank and the trance she had been in but she banished the thought as quick as it came. With relief she noticed her brother was still lost within his own thoughts and didn't notice her slip up.

Leah came to a stop at her preferred spot on the forest floor and Seth skidded to a stop just behind her. They went their respective ways to phase back in private.

"Unbelievable," she muttered as she pulled the ruined button-down shirt from the cord around her ankle. Despite the torture she had inflicted earlier, the shirt still smelled prominently like bloodsucker. It was muted by the mud, but still prevalent. She grumbled to herself as she pulled it on, buttoning the buttons in distaste. She closed her eyes as she caught the faint scent of Jacob along the collar of the shirt. She inhaled as deep as she could, trying to focus on it, but the overpowering smell of vampire was too hard to ignore and she choked on the stench.

 _I need to track down some other clothes, ASAP._ She thought to herself.

She shook her head to clear it and made her way back to her spot, all but collapsing onto the forest floor. Seth was a few feet away, curled up facing the other direction. His breathing was steady, but Leah couldn't know for sure if he was faking sleep to avoid talking. She let him be as she stared up at the few stars peeking through the overgrown canopy.

Leah sighed. _What a day._

He didn't know how long he spent running that night. So many things were running through his mind after the meeting with Sam. Rationally he had known that Sam was only trying to provoke him with his harsh words, but regrettably he had succeeded. He knows if it wasn't for Leah he would've done something extremely stupid, like attack Sam and then all bets were off where Bella was concerned. No matter how bad he wanted to beat the shit out of that asshole, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her.

Sam had rubbed salt in the wound when he reminded Jake of the fact that it was Bella's choices that led up to this disastrous situation. She chose to be with Edward and put herself in harm's way every second that she was with him. She loved him, so much more than she could ever love Jacob. That stung, obviously. It was something Jacob was constantly reminded of day in and day out. It wasn't exactly news. But Sam had twisted the knife some more in order to get under his skin.

The girl he loved was literally falling apart from the inside out and there was nothing he could do about it. No matter how hard he had tried to get her to see reason, he had failed. Bella signed her own death warrant with no regards to anyone else's feelings who cared for her.

Anger erupted through him, pushing him to run faster.

He sometimes wondered what life would be like if he had never fallen for Bella. Simpler, no doubt. But better? He couldn't be sure. The good times they shared together were some of the fondest memories he had. But it was always borrowed time. She was never his to begin with, and that was probably the worst part. He was grieving the loss of an imaginary relationship.

But it hadn't just been one-sided, as the people who constantly judged him by saying "just get over her" liked to forget. Bella loved Jacob back. She kissed him on the mountain before the newborn battle and it was the best kiss of his life at the time. Granted there were not a lot of predecessors, but still.

When she had been shattered after Edward left, Jacob had been the one to piece her back together. Somewhere along the way she began to have feelings for him, whether she acknowledged them or not.

But it wasn't enough. _He_ wasn't enough.

But somehow despite that, Jacob couldn't just be done with her. She had a special place in his heart, even if she wasn't his whole world like she once was. She was the first girl he fell in love with. One of his closest friends, second only to Embry and Quil. He would go to hell and back for her… which was probably the problem. He broke up his pack for her. Or rather, formed his own consisting of Seth and Leah.

Leah…

She was something else entirely. She had avoided being alone with him since their talk in the meadow when she had told him that the moment between them by the river was a mistake. He hadn't thought it was, but apparently she did. That bothered him for reasons he couldn't quite figure out.

He was almost positive she felt what he felt when they were that close. The electricity was so intense, how could she not have felt it? But for whatever reason, she insisted that she hadn't.

But the problem was he couldn't just forget it, no matter how hard he tried. He had never felt like that in his life, so attracted to someone and nothing else mattered. He forgot about everything that wasn't Leah in that moment and an inexplicable heat had built up inside of him… and they didn't even kiss. He was startled to realize that not even his two kisses with Bella had made him feel like that almost-kiss with Leah had. For some reason they had a ridiculous connection that made everything else pale in comparison. It kind of scared him. Maybe she had done the right thing by dismissing its existence. Further exploration would probably be too messy.

But a guy could imagine…

 _What the hell am I thinking? 'Further exploration' with Leah? My beta? I'm losing my damn mind._ He was glad he had blocked his thoughts from Seth and Leahalthough it appeared they had already phased back and went to sleep.

By the time Jacob made it back to his sleeping pack members, it was late into the night. He made himself comfortable on the forest floor, mindful not to be too loud, but Seth's heavy snoring indicated that he was out like a light.

Jacob stared up at the trees above him, trying to clear his mind enough to relax into sleep.

"How was your run?" he heard Leah's voice ask.

He glanced over at her, but she remained on her back, eyes above her.

"Did I wake you?"

"Haven't been able to sleep," she replied.

They laid in silence beside each other for a few minutes. Jake focused on the reassuring sounds of the forest, and the rush of the nearby river. It was utterly peaceful for those few short moments and Jake began to relax. Few things put him at ease like nature did. He had always loved the forest, but being a wolf definitely made him appreciate the outdoors in a whole new way.

He began to focus on Leah's soft breathing beside him.

"Lee?" he asked, barely above a whisper, but fully audible to a wolf's ears.

She was quiet for a while, and he was just beginning to suspect that she had fallen asleep until she answered him.

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do when this is all over?" he inquired.

She knew he was referring to the situation with Bella and the war with Sam.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I hadn't thought about where I'm going to go, really."

"You don't have to go anywhere. Stay with me… and Seth," he replied. "We're a pack. You're my beta."

She inhaled sharply. "I don't know if it's that simple, Jake." She said in a small voice.

"It can be." He challenged.

She pondered that for a few minutes. Could they really do this forever? Be a pack of three against the world? She flashed on the moment at the riverbank, and the feeling of electricity between the two. She didn't know if she could tiptoe around that for the rest of her life, having only an almost-kiss to hold on to. Maybe she was better off alone, where she didn't have the constant reminder of something that could never happen.

"Go to sleep, Jake." She rolled over and squeezed her eyes shut, effectively ending the conversation.

Jacob stared at her back, feeling his lids grow heavier with each passing moment.

For the first time in months, he didn't have nightmares of Bella's demise.

He dreamt of running free for miles with a small grey wolf.


End file.
